This Thursday (tomorrow) will mark my one year anniversary of me being part of an online community known by the name of seanwes. so much has happened in the span of one year. Let me recap and share a few things. Prior to joining, I was binge listening to all the podcast episodes and then I reached
Just Say, "NO".
"Say no to many things, so that you have room and the opportunity to say yes to great things." - Sean McCabe
Perhaps you can relate when I say it's difficult to say no to people. It's especially challenging to say no to the ones you love, family, friends, or significant others.
I have a lofty goal of getting out of debt.
Most of my debt is from student loans. There are so many things I wish I knew ahead of time and there are so many things I wish I did differently, but rather than continuing to reminisce over past times I am making the changes now.
“I can’t keep telling myself that I am going to get out of debt,
yet all my actions point to me carelessly spending the money I do have.”
I need to commit to getting out of debt by being wiser in my spending habits - and to do that I have to say no to the little things that add up.
I am learning how to invest, save, pay down my debt and have the courage to say no to the things I simply cannot afford.
In the past two months, I was approached by a few people to design a logo. There are several reasons I turned down the requests that came my way.
The Reasons of Why I recently Said No
- I am still in the early stages of hand lettering. I have yet to explore varying styles and I am in the process of building my work and my portfolio, I want to be sure that I am the right person for my future clients.
- I am building credibility. By writing and documenting my process, my future clients and collaboration partners will know what to expect from me.
- Saying no allows for the time I need to keep practicing. When I say yes to something I want to commit to it whole-heartedly. I want my yes to hold weight and meaning.
- I want to be sure that I am saying yes to the right client.
Consider this:
No is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Know your values, and be sure they are uncompromising. When saying no, the other person may not feel your reasons are justified - especially when you offer up an explanation.
Work on consciously saying NO.
Never say maybe when you want to say no. You'll mislead others and give them a false sense of hope. Learn to say no when you mean no and say yes when you mean yes.
Remember your goals!
I can't stress this enough. I entered youngyetwise roth ira challenge for 2016. I also have my goals for my design studio, and simply being debt free. When I was working for a bank, I shared my goal of wanting to be debt free. Out of a branch of about 13 women (myself included) there were only about 3 people that believed me when I said I wanted and will be debt free. They believed that debt is inevitable, unavoidable, and a part of life. I believe that debt happens because we aren't educated on finances and the way money works. I made a mindset change a long time ago. Now I am taking the steps necessary to reach that goal.
Why We Say Yes
We say yes because have a sense of obligation, we owe someone. Sometimes we feel indebted to someone because of what they've done for us. Saying no comes off as being mean and you don't want to disappoint people.
Ask Yourself This Question:
“Do you want to disappoint other people or do you want to disappoint the future version of yourself? Either way you’ll disappoint someone. ”
Say no to the wrong clients.
Say no to the wrong ideas.
Say no to the wrong opportunities.
Say no to the wrong circumstances - even if they are willing to pay you money. By saying yes you give up that time.
By saying no to these things you'll make room to say yes to the right things like trips, conferences, spending time with your loved ones and saying yes to the right clients.
Analyze By Asking These Questions:
Is this working?
Is the way the relationship set up and
is the amount I'm getting paid worth it?
Is the process the way I want it to work? If not, is there room to make that relationship an ideal?
Ask yourself:
- Am I spending enough time to be healthy as a person (physically, mentally, spiritually)?
- Am I giving myself enough margin?
- Am I spending enough time with my family, spouse, kids?
Other people won't be aware of where you want to go and what your goals are. You have to know when to say, "No Thank you".
Why You Say No:
It's your tool for creating time.
It gives you credits for being able to say yes.
We say no to make room to say yes to the things that are important.
What To Say Yes To
The takeaway from this is not just why to say no or how to say no, it’s about setting up your ability to say yes. Start with the important things first and then work backwards:
- What do you want to say yes to?
- What are the things you can’t say yes to right now that you want to say yes to?
- What do you need to say no to first in order to enable to your yes?
- How much do you care about the quality of your yes?
I suggest taking the time out and answering these questions honestly for yourself. Choose one thing to focus on, learn to say no to the things that are eating up your time. Get rid of the time wasters so you can say yes to the important things.
What are you saying, "NO" to this week?
A Commitment To Show Up - Everyday
"I might be there.” Such uncertainty when you hear that someone might show up.
Showing up everyday is a challenge, especially when you are trying to build something larger than yourself. I've been using the overlap technique - working a day job and practicing hand lettering in the evenings - in hopes that someday I can run my own design studio. The day job pays my bills and whatever I have extra I put towards savings or I invest in my tools, building my blog, and website. Basically, bootstrapping to build the business.
One thing I've committed to doing each morning are daily devotions. Every morning between 6:15 am - 6:30 I call two of my girlfriends and we read and pray in the morning. It didn't always start with me making the first call - but somewhere it switched. I became the person to call first thing in the mornings, and I continue to upkeep the first call - because my friends are depending on me.
However, it is so difficult for me to stay committed to exercising and eating healthy foods. At my day job we order out anywhere from two to three times a week. I keep telling myself that I want to be an example for my sister and mother, that when they see my healthy results they'll start to make the necessary changes in their life too. While I did well for seven months, this past month has been a challenge to step foot back into the gym. I don't feel motivated and I've lost the momentum that I had when I first started.
Know that commitment is hard - and even more so when you choose to do it in public. I often wonder what would it look like to fully commit - to everything I put myself to. To give 110% and to go all in.
We are afraid of commitment because we think,
"I may be missing out on something else that's happening.
I'm too tired or I don't feel like it.
Something else may come up.
What If I don't have anything to say?"
People believe that those who show up consistently have some sort of magic power or inherent ability. “It must come easy for him," they say. “For others like me it’s hard”.
Here’s a reality check: it’s not easy for anyone—even the people that make it look easy - to show up everyday. In fact, if someone is making it look easy, they're probably working harder.
Why is it so hard to commit?
We spend too much time thinking about it rather than just taking the action. It has to become something you do. Remove the option of choice.
Every morning you wake up you brush your teeth, shower, and eat - these are not choices they are a matter of survival and there is no option as to if you will do it.
You have to eliminate the power of choice.
Here’s how to strengthen the power of commitment. There are three parts - and if you are wondering why? A cord of three strands is not easily broken - Ecclesiastes 4:12
1. Partner Accountability. Your word is bond. This is arguably the strongest form of accountability. This is a great way of keeping yourself on track. Here’s an example; If my friend needs a ride and they tell me to be at their house at 5:00am I know that they should expect me at 4:45am. I want them to know that I am reliable and they can depend on me. There is an incentive to show up because I don’t want to disappoint my friend. No good friend would leave you hanging out in the cold at 5:00am.
2. Public Accountability - I've made a public commitment to have a post to the blog every Wednesday. The one post in July 2015 that I missed was because I didn't prepare in advance. I have since gotten back on track, and rearranged my priorities. My reputation is on the line, so if It happens again I am sure someone will call me out.
3. Personal Accountability - Though we are willing to please other people, it is easy to willingly disappoint ourselves. We need to learn to take better care of ourselves. How can we do what’s best for others if we are not in the best shape for ourselves? Its important to hold ourselves to a higher regard and to simply show ourselves some respect.
Remember - Be sure to implement all three forms of accountability.
Last week I decided to commit to lettering one piece each day on instagram. I want to increase my following and I want to build my hand lettering skills. Getting better at hand lettering requires me to show up everyday. As for my health and fitness goals, I am recommitting to bettering my health. I’ve already began posting my food to myfitnesspal and I decided to go to the gym after finishing this post. You can check myfitnesspal to see if I actually completed my activity. I've decided to make eating healthier a thing that I do. I've decided to incorporate it into my lifestyle.
What are you committing to?
27 Things I've Learned That Can Be Applied To Hand Lettering.
In honor of my birthday (this past Monday, June 15), I decided to make and share a list of valuable things I've learned this year that can also be applied to hand lettering.
27. Choose happiness and joy. Though things may not go well or as planned each and everyday choose to be happy and choose joy over sadness. Life's too short.
26. Get organized. Being organized is a skill, one that many people don't have. When you learn to be organized you can create systems that will help you get through your activities.
25. Surround yourself around the people you want to influence you. Want to get in shape? Find some fitness friends. Want to be a better hand letterer? Subscribe to those artists and connect with them, find someone in your local area. You are influenced by your top five friends.
24. Make genuine connections. The term "network" has been over used and beaten to the ground, and with social media like Linkedin saying, " Please add me to your network" it just screams I'm looking to connect so I can get something in return - though I may not really know you. Genuine connections will take you farther and you'll build lasting relationships with people around the world.
23. Get out the house. Find some local meetups and see what people are doing. Go to a conference and listen to a speaker, in the same or different field. It will influence you, and you'll learn something new.
22. Read more. When I was younger I used to compete with a classmate to see how many books we could read in a week. We were in fifth or sixth grade, and each week we would check in to see how many books the other person read. Some how she managed to increase her reading speed. When I think about it now she probably learned how to skim/scan the pages of a book really quickly at a young age, it now comes in handy and I can skim pages and articles quicker.
21. Find an accountability partner or group. I have a few of them. One for financial, one for fitness and one for getting up early to write. It's so much easier to disappoint ourselves but when you have someone else in your corner cheering you on and motivating you to keep going, you'll more than likely try even harder not to disappoint them.
20. Write, Everyday. One of the accountability groups is based on EWDW. #6amclub (really the #5amclub on the east coast) but we've created a group to get everyone on board and everyone just messages in - feet on the floor. Which means, " I've gotten out of bed, I am ready to write". I use my writings for blog posts, reflection and relief.
“How to apply this to hand lettering: choose your quotes, messages or phrase you wish to hand letter in advance. Maybe seven for the week, and practice one each day.
”
19. Reserve time for the things you enjoy. Family, fitness, fun, your passion! Everyone has 24 hours in a day and we all choose how to spend them differently. Set aside time to practice your hand lettering put it in the calendar so that you don't derail from it.
18. Be a professional and learn more about professionalism. Everything from the way you talk, walk present and the way you write - choose to be a professional. It will give you greater return in so many ways.
17. Get focused. Remove the distractions, put your phone on airplane mode, turn your wifi off and take some time for yourself. Thinking, reading, gaining knowledge, understanding your purpose or the reason you are choosing to do something - like lettering, will help you get focused on the steps to reaching your goals. Besides, unless you have stock in Facebook or work for them, why are you spending so much time on there?
16. Rest. overworking yourself will only increase your stress and anxiety. Work hard and rest harder.
15. Research. I've been learning so much about marketing, ways to improve my writing, communication and simply putting myself out there. I am sure there is another artist of African American descent that can relate to me and my struggles. Perhaps I can learn from someone else or someone can learn from me.
14. Learn the rules. Rules aren't everything and many people don't like them. Some people like to break them and others are ignorant of them. Rules exist and you need to know them - especially to avoid trouble.
13. Listen to your intuition. Anytime I've had a gut feeling and not listen to it, I always regret it later. I sometimes say to myself, '" if you listened to that feeling in your gut you wouldn't be here," or " you know you saw that one coming". That inner voice we have can save us from so many problems. I am so happy when I do listen to that intuition. You might be surprised what you'll gain if you listen to that inner voice sometime.
12. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Humility is a great character to have and asking for help can be a very humbling experience. Though at times we can do it all on our own, we can save time, money and resources by simply asking for help.
11. Know Why. "Because I felt like it," is such a cowardly answer to give. Dig deeper and know the reasons you believe in something. Learn to form your own opinions and be sure you are confident, firm, in your beliefs. Though your reasons, and or theory might change - at least have something more than, "because I felt like it," to back it up.
10. Be Confident. I know you don't just wake up and decide to be confident, but I do believe there are steps you can take to get you to that place of being confident.
9. Curiosity is one of the best ways to learn. You have a keen interest in learning something and you'll better retain the information. Stay curious and you'll learn more outside the classroom.
8. Gratitude. Showing others how thankful you are, that you appreciate them can make their day. Be grateful and show gratitude.
7. Learn how to Learn. This is deep. When learning something new we are excited and want to jump through the steps. But when learning to learn, we should take our time to absorb the information.
6. Critics exist. They're either saying good things about you or they are saying ba thing about you. Either way, they exist.
5. Sharing is caring. (Just not germs). When sharing your work, you put yourself up for criticism. Learn to not take things personally, learn to be objective, sharing your experiences will help someone else in the long run.
4. Practice. Practice, practice. Practice makes perfect. Though we still try to achieve perfection, practice will build any and every skill and can surpass talent if one is willing.
3. Curate. Choose one thing and focus on that. Get really good at it, then you can find other ways to be creative. Just be sure to curate, then branch out from there.
2. Knowledge is powerful. Share what you know, and people will thank you for it.
1. Start before you're ready. Even though when you start things may - and more likely not be perfect, you will still have some place to look back at how far you've come.
What are some things you've learned?
Actions Yield Results - Not Feelings.
This post was originally written in January. It is certainly a topic I find myself battling with again and again in different forms. I start off by sharing a conversation that took place that night in January...
Last night My boyfriend and I were having a conversation about how I felt in regards to a meet up that didn't happen. I was disappointed and upset. As a result it spiraled a conversation about feelings. He made a really good point that lead me to the thought:
“If you wait for feelings to come to do something, it will not happen. If it does happen and its a reoccurring event, you will loose momentum - when based on feelings alone.
”
Sometimes you just don't feel like doing things. Waking up at 5 am to go work out, or waking up early period - its hard to remain consistent, to keep the momentum going even. When you've been at it for over five months, and you forget the reason and cause that got you to start in the first place. I've recently recommitted to going to the gym (in January and still going as of this post going out). I also have a few health goals. I come from a family that has had plenty of medical issues and I want to ensure that I've taken care of myself the best way possible. I have countless accountability partners checking in with me and that has helped along the way.
Here's the catch though: If you wait until this feeling comes, there is a great chance that you will not go through with the action. There are times when motivation comes full throttle and excitement accompanies it. You'll have a slow building momentum and eventually fall off. Feelings don't last long. Emotions are temporary. I can attest to this because I went to bed two days in a row thinking that I would go to the gym early in the morning to get my workouts in. When 4:50 came rolling around, I didn't feel like getting up.
Action will over rule feeling when you need to get things done. Shake off the lazy tail and like Nike Just Do It! I am still very much guilty of not getting to the gym at 5 am, however I have decided to go in the evenings after work. I must admit that It's much easier for me to go with someone than on my own. I've been going faithfully for the past three days. I know that regardless of how I feel as I continue to keep going I can see results. Remember, Actions yield results.
When it comes time to practice hand lettering - which I have on my schedule, in my calendar and always carry my tools with me - I make it a point for it to not be something I am doing based on how I am feeling. How will I continue to grow and explore with this experiment if I don't put the effort beyond what I am feeling? Just like in health and wellness, it takes time to see the results you wish to see from deliberate practice in lettering.
I have a question for you! What did you feel like doing and end up avoiding when you realized how much more energy it would take? Email me so we can chat!